Brandari

[///MR HUNG]

Halló við erum tvær sæðisfrumur og heitum Óli og Bjarni, við leitum eftir eggjum........????? Vitið þið veginn?? Ha við?? Nei, við heitum Karíus og Baktus og við vinnum bara hérna!

[Alpina]

Halló við erum tvær sæðisfrumur og heitum Óli og Bjarni, við leitum eftir eggjum........????? Vitið þið veginn?? Ha við?? Nei, við heitum Karíus og Baktus og við vinnum bara hérna!

Ég bjóst við Kúkur og Rassi

[///MR HUNG]

Halló við erum tvær sæðisfrumur og heitum Óli og Bjarni, við leitum eftir eggjum........????? Vitið þið veginn?? Ha við?? Nei, við heitum Karíus og Baktus og við vinnum bara hérna!

Ég bjóst við Kúkur og Rassi

Enda ert þú vanur 2 eða fleirri karlmönnum

[Alpina]

3

[///MR HUNG]

Eldri hjón ætluðu að prófa enn einu sinni að gera það. Ekkert gekk sama hvað var reynt.þá sagði konan; Heyrðu elskan, prófaðu að setja skóhorn á hann og nota það til að stífa!! Gamli skellir skóhorninu á vininn og til að halda honum föstum vefur hann límbandi utan um. Og viti menn..það gekk En þá sagði annar eggjastokkurinn við hinn Ja margt hefur maður séð um ævina en aldrei séð þá koma inn á líkbörum fyrr!

[///MR HUNG]

Afhverju eru 3 of mikið?
Þetta er jú 3 gata drusla sem er um að gera að hamast aðeins á.
Hún er meira að segja með brjóst fyrir þá alla

[Kristjan PGT]

Afhverju eru 3 of mikið?
Þetta er jú 3 gata drusla sem er um að gera að hamast aðeins á.
Hún er meira að segja með brjóst fyrir þá alla

whaaaaat?

[SteiniDJ]

3

[SteiniDJ]

Á bæ einum hafði húsfreyja fitnað mikið með árunum, svo bónda þótti nóg um og mælti:-Þú ert nú farin að líkjast heybindivélinni góða mín.Stuttu síðar er þau voru komin upp í rúm langaði bónda í þjónustu, en þá sagði frúin: -Maður ræsir nú ekki heybindivél fyri eitt lítið strá!

[Daníel]

Smá tips hérna fyrir Sveinbjörn þar sem hann er sífellt að taka run.

Love Making Tips For Seniors


1. Wear your glasses.
TO make sure your partner is actually in the bed.

2. Set timer for 3 minutes,
In case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting.
(Turn them ALL OFF!)

4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.

6. Use extra polygrip so your teeth don't end up under the bed.

7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act..

8. Make all the noise you want...
The neighbors are deaf too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!!

10. Don't even think about trying it twice.

[siggir]

How to Get into a Girl's Pants

Steps

1. Start off with casual conversation.

2. Ask her questions, PERSONAL questions about herself and her lifestyle, and make sure to look her in the eye.

3. Do not initiate physical contact for the moment.

4. Figure out whether or not you want something from this girl from this stage,
because it's about to get good.

5. Give her a wink or a nudge and ask to see her room.

6. If she indicates that it's upstairs, ALL THE BETTER.

7. Once you get upstairs, lay her down on the bed, manfully.

8. Your goal is right in front of you, but keep your cool.

9. Talk it over with her first. She'll know what you need.

10. Trace your finger over your pants button, in slow, lazy circles.

11. Remove your pants gracefully. You may want to add a little dance.

12. Now she's yours.

13. After unzipping her pants, pull them slowly from her ankles until they are off, making
sure not to bunch them; this will just make them more difficult to put on.

14. Start with either the right leg or the left leg.

15. Place your legs in the tubes of the pants, and pull up to your hips.

16. Zipper, button, and you've succeeded.

Tips

* If the fit is too tight, don't worry. You're still technically in them.

Warnings

* Don't allow her to get in your pants, or even your socks; she might ruin them.

[SteiniDJ]

Hahahahaha, þetta var snilld!

[ta]

Story from a male friend..



Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer. The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...?? WAY TOO COOL!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.. .?

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it dipshit,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . .



HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!!


I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.



Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.. A three second burst would be considered conservative? IT HURT LIKE HELL!!!



A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!


P.S... My wife, can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it! If you think education is difficult, try being stupid !!!!!!

[SteiniDJ]

Haha, ekki beint sá bjartasti.

[doddi1]

ég bókstaflega grét úr hlátri yfir þessari frásögn