bmwkraftur.is

There is not one dirty word in this, and it is funny.
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."



Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."



"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."



"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"



"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat".



After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"



"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."



"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"



"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."



"My, that's a lot!", gasped Mrs. Smith.



"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."



"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.



The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.



"Oh, my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.



"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."



"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.



"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look"



"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.



"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."



Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?"



"It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."



"Tripod?"



"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."



Mrs. Smith fainted

BARA SNILLD!!!!!

það þarf að gera svona brandara section heran winhverstðar )

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You Never Know What You Have Until You Lose It.

Nissan Almera 99' Til Sölu.

Já, einmitt það er svo mikið um það að menn sendi inn brandara hérna.

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BMW E39 523i '99 M Parallels "seldur"
VW Passat '98 "seldur"
VW Golf GTI '98 "seldur"
BMW E30 320i M-tech I '86 "dáinn"

Annar með orðaleiki

Must be a Jesuit....

- - -

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"

"I be glad to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."

She nodded and accepted the risk. "With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.

The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The official thought this answer was rather strange, so he asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."

It took a moment for the customs man to absorb the statement, but once he did he had a hard time keeping a straight face as he called out, "Next!"

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Bjarki Hilmarsson
--
E34 520iA '90 --seldur--
E34 540 6 spd manual Touring '96 -- seldur --

Sumargrill

Grilltímabilið í hámarki. Allir að grilla. Húsmæður gleðjast yfir því að þurfa ekki að standa yfir pottunum, því bóndinn sér um grillið. VEI!

Þannig gengur þetta fyrir sig:
Frúin verslar í matinn.
Frúin býr til salat, græjar grænmeti sem á að grilla, og býr til sósu.
Frúin undirbýr kjötið. Finnur til réttu kryddin, setur kjötið á bakka ásamt grilláhöldum.
Bóndinn situr við grillið, með bjór í annarri.

Lykilatriði:
Bóndinn setur kjötið á grillið!
Frúin fer inn, finnur til diska og hnífapör.
Frúin fer út, og segir bóndanum að kjötið sé að brenna.
Bóndinn þakkar henni fyrir, og biður hana um að koma með annan bjór á meðan hann tæklar ástandið.

Annað lykilatriði:
Bóndinn tekur kjötið af grillinu, og réttir frúnni.
Frúin leggur á borð. Diskar, hnífapör, sósur, salöt og annað meðlæti, ratar á borðið.
Eftir matinn gengur frúin frá öllu.

Mikilvægast af öllu:
Allir þakka BÓNDANUM fyrir matinn, og hversu vel HONUM tókst upp.
Bóndinn spyr frúna hvernig henni hafi líkað “frídagurinn”...
og eftir að hafa séð svipinn á henni, ákveður hann að það er ómögulegt að gera konum til geðs.

BMW´s are like women, the more money you give them , the more they SUCK.

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With great challenges comes great engineering.
Gunnar Reynisson

Vá vá vá... var bara að taka eftir þessum pósti núna!!

Ég var að deyja úr hlátri í vinnunni og hélt fyrir munninn á mér svo það heyrðist ekki í mér hlæja!!

Bara fyndinn djókur!

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Enginn bíll!